assalamualaikum.

just a short entry cause rushing for time.
hmmmm.

it has been two months i havent updated.
and it HAS been another rollercoaster ride for me.
haiz.

but its coming to an end,
as i already had my fun.

its time to come back to reality.

i have learnt a lot this past month
about myself, love, patience and... fate.

yes.

i think i have grown more than ever.
and i just started to believe that there are such things,
as soulmates. =)

but as usual,
im always am doomed not to have a happy or stable,
relationship with anyone.

haha.

to alien,
it was freaky of how we met.
but im really glad to have met you.

the times that we had together and the laughs
plus the lameness that we both had,
will always be with me.

mon cher etranger. =)

letting go of something precious is really hard.
but it has to be done,
as thats what my heart says
and im finally following it along with thumbs up from my mind.

haha.

i have never felt like this before.
i swear.

is it love?

i have no idea.
but whatever it is,
it is something really different.

i am leaving everything to Allah,
for He is the one who planned it all.

insyaallah,
whatever it is,
i wish you all the happiness in life.

assalamualaikum.

its time
for me to update again.

haiz.

okie.
first thing first.
i already post up some of the pics from the retreat.

and secondly,
uhmmm.
faz ehh?

alamak.

what can i say ehhh.
dont say it like that ahhh.
im not what you think i am.

sheeeshh.

im just a normal person.
His humble servant. -_-'

anyhow,
yeahhh.

the past few days.

hmm.
well, for one thing,
im still sick. =p

getting worser actuali but who cares.
heh. =p

met up with zarian sunday afternoon.
just hang out at saffron.
heh.

has been quite a while.

haiz.
catched up on things.
we had so many things to talk about.
heh.

then after that,
went to bedok corner with saqinah's family and sarah.

oooohhh.

was nice ahhh.
has been such a long time since i eat out with my family.
haiz.

then basically on monday,
came for open tech.
shheeesshh.
had to wait till thursday to present. =p

went to flavours after that to meet up saqinah and fizah actuali but.
i bumped into rufi and the others.
WHEEE~!!! =D

has been so long since i met them.
feez. sulala. and the chem engine guys.

end up hanged out with them for the first part of the day.

was fun ahhh.
for i missed them. =)

then by 5 plus,
had a lot of meeting up with the silat pple.
had to discuss a lot of stuff and all.

by the time i finished with musfirah abt muslimah nite,
it was already 6 plus.

sarah and khadijah was waiting for me.

went to flavours after that.
yeahhh.

then went home.
i was still feeling unwell. -_-'

while waiting for the bus,
i remembered something.
and smsed him.

found out he was in skool when i board the bus.

luckily it was just a few stops.
i alighted and went back to tp.

he was with his frenz at their 'clubhouse'.
heh.

he helped me with my stuff and then,
all of us played BINGO.
haha.

5 guys and a girl.

it was fun ahhh.
to see him in another element.
with his frenz playing games and not being the 'serious' person.

i was just wondering.

after that,
went home ahhh.

then today,
went to skool early to have breakfast with khadijahh.
if eating fruits and bubur is what you call breakfast. =p

just had no appetite to eat ahh.

a quite tiring day also actuali.
for i had to go back and forth,
from my house and tp.

had a meet up with amin abt pentas.

then asked feez whether want to eat.
heh.

i was picked up in skool and we went to saffron to eat.
heh.
was quite curious of how he drives the car.

it was interesting ahh.
talked with feez and everything.
for actuali, i miss talking with him ahh.

like last time.

when we went to the airport to study and everything.
heh.

well.
i just really hope that it was not because he was obligated to ahh.
cause then,
i would feel downright guilty. -_-'

so here i am.

having lots of meetings this week too.
but have to focus on my studies already.
exams in two weeks time. -_-'

silat. muslimah night. nur ikhwan. my family.
hmmm.

anyhow,
yeahhh.

i went down memory lane for awhile.
goshh.
it hurts ahhh.

i've been thinking back again.
about my past.
for all this while i was too busy to think about it.

but my past came back.
and im not sure of my present.

theres a choice that i have to choose.
but of course,
not now.
heh.

for you see,
i feel the same way that i felt last year.
it was the same situation.

but different people.

i care for both.
i really do.

both are extreme personalities of each other.
one serious and another funny.
haiz.

i think,
its not up to me to think this through.

i will leave it all to Him.
bertawakkal kepadaNya.
insyaallah.

maybe im just not fated to be with anyone.
who noes.
except Him.

haiz.

i will not make the same mistake twice.
from the past few years,
i have made mistakes.

took on some risks.

by the end of the day,
i will be alone.

but with Him. =)

assalamualaikum.

gosh.
im soo sick now.
heh. =p

it has been quite a while since i blogged.
and boy, a lot of things has happened since my last entry.

since the last entry,
well,
it was going to be chinese new year.

anyhow,
theres a lot of people that i would like to wish.

280106 - HAPPY BELATED 20th BIRTHDAY TO NADIAHH~!!!
290106 - HAPPY BELATED 9th BIRTHDAY TO DAYANA~!!!
310106 - HAPPY BELATED 19th BIRTHDAY TO FARIZ~!!!
020206 - HAPPY BELATED 20th BIRTHDAY TO SAQINAHH~!!!
030206 - HAPPY BELATED 21st BIRTHDAY TO AZHARI~!!!
040206 - HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY TO AISHAH~!!!

woahh.
quite a lot huh.
heh.

ok, with that done.
saturday 280106.

was supposed to go for itc meeting at mendaki.
but, however, found out that my family wanted to go for a picnic at changi beach.
man.
it was a hard decision. =p

i finally chose my family,
for, i havent seen my other family for quite long,
my mom is having off days until my birthday.
[ for once, i can have my mom at home. =D ]
and also,
my uncle wanted to go out with the family,
and it has been hard for him,
being in hospital and all.

haiz.

anyhow,
it was ok ahhh.

managed to talk to my cousins about what i planned to do.

hmmmm.
the beach was packed with tents and everything sehh.
kampung melayu betul.
heh.

celebrated dayana and my birthday together.
heh.

then after that,
i went to bugis to sell something for the muslimah night fundraiser,
with saqinah and sarah.

man.
it took about 1hr and 15 mins to get from changi to bugis.
sheeeshhh.
sakit pantat.
heh.

i wonder how last time i could have 'tahan' with him.
heh.

anyhow,
it was quite interesting selling the kerepeks.
heh.

could even make frenz with the makcik there.

and oh ya.
we learnt something new too.
must always shout "OFFERR~!!!"
then people will come.
haha.

hmmm.
the next day.
sunday. 290106.

the retreat of nur ikhwan at east coast beach.
heh.

i remembered coming down quite early.
heh.
around 10 plus.

by the time i came,
only a few was already there.
i helped the logistics in picking out the location.

it was packed.
the beach i mean.

the retreat started out okay ahhh.
nothing much to be said somehow.
though that idris actuali came.
hah.

cause abdul hakim is his cousin and,
was coaxed in going.
heh.

anyhow,
yeahhh.
it was ok ahhh.

talked a while with him also.
heh.
for the past few days we had a bit of a tiff.

what else is new anyway. =p

yeahh.
the retreat finally ends around 4 plus,
since it was drizzling also.

then,
around 10 of us stayed back.

by then,
there was no more canvas and place to sit.

we just sat on the grass.
heh.
we played uno and taiti.

it was fun ahhh.
heh.

then at night,
when sarah, saqinah and haslinda went off,
on the way home,
we [ salim. imran. hafiz. hafiz's fren. ]
well,
i found out that salim had a lighter.

so, we played the sparklers at the side.
heh.

we had a radio and a hari raya cd.
hah.

we played the sparklers while the hari raya song is blasting away on the radio.
haha.
what a picture we would have made.

a bunch of grown up kids playing sparklers.
heh.

then after that,
we went to mac.
just to lepak.
heh.

it was really fun to get to know them ahhh.

the next day.
monday 300106.
exactly one month since the first ittihadul qulub's outing.

i was very close not coming.
was really damn tired sehhhh.
had to wake up in the morning.

i finally joined them around ten when initially it was supposed to be 8. -_-'
oh well.
only 9 turned up.

np - nizam. taufik.
tp - me.
nyp - ishak. mardhiah. hawanis. ainah.
rp - zul.
sp -rahman.

the day started to become interesting when hawanis fell in the 'longkang'.
sheeshhh.
it was chaos sehhh.
even her bike fell inside.

anyhow,
yeahhh. ainahh went in after her.
sheeshhh.
then rahman went in to get her bicycle.
heh.

now we have 3 very wet people. -_-'

along the way,
we bumped onto ainah's moyang's house.
wahhh.

first time going to someone's house at ubin.
i've post up some photos.
heh.

oh ya.
theres a lot of mishaps along the way.
mardhiah fell in the 'semak'.
ishak had cramps.
and zul lost his wallet.

sheeeshhh. -_-'

anyhow,
after that we went to istighfar.
it was going to be awal muharram.

we stayed for awhile for the doas.

then after that we walked to downtown east to eat.
heh.

zul and taufik bought for me an ice-cream cake from cheers.
heh.
it was so sweet of them.
celebrated my birthday.
advanced. =)

then we went home after that.

the next day though.
i was flat out.
had to go to saqinah's house to print my project.

then on 010206.
[ my birthday. heh. =p ]
i went to skool damn early in the morning just to submit my project.
sheeeshh.

then, after submitting,
i went to the lab to do my pom report.
sheeeshhh.
which is due at 5pm the same day. =p

what luck.

oh ya.
had a call from him at noon.
heh.

wished me happy birthday.

anyhow,
around 3 plus,
while i was trying to finish up my report,
i realised that i forgot another vital part of my report,
which i left at home.

man.
i panicked. =p

there was much more to be done.

finally,
after much coaxing by aida and idayu,
i asked him whether he could send me home for awhile.

sheeeshhh.

i didnt expect that he would.
oh well.

met him up in engine,
but i found out that he had a project,
[ for he was with his project mates mahhh. ]

felt quite guilty ahhh.

it was fast game ahhh.
like duh. =p
haha.

zoomed to and fro.
oooh.

finally,
when i got back to my lab,
my frenz was helping me with the remaining of my report.

THANKS GUYS~~!!!! =D
[ esp idayu, yani, aida and emmanuel. ]

then had a meeting at 6.
talked about retreat.
was supposed to be just a short meeting but then it turns out to be 2 hours long.

around 9 plus after prayers,
we sat down at the concourse.
turns out that they had bought a cake.

for the february babies.

oh ya.
and wani throw a cake at my face.
shheessshh. =p

well.
haiz.
i dont know ahhh.

nothing to be commented.

met yat and siraj at night.
didnt talked much for i was crying on the fon with kak rosnah.
haiz.

then the next day it's saqinah's birthday.
heh.

spent the day celebrating with her eating ice-cream.
hehe.

then we went to her house and eat satay. =D

basically the past few days,
nothing much has happened,
maybe just that i fell sick.
heh.

right now,
well.
i forgot what to write about also.

i just found out also that well,
my so called 'fling' had a girlfriend.
heh.

what bothers me was that he had told me 6 months ago that he wants to be single.
and look whos not.
sheeshhh.

its the lying part ahhh.

but i guess something good comes out from it though.
that luckily im not in a relationship with him.

if i was,
i woudnt know nur ikhwan more,
and would missed out on the wonderful friends that i had made.

and of course,
i wouldnt get to know him closer.
heh.

haiz.

oh well.
it has been almost 6 months since i let someone close enough to care.
but now,
i found out that i do care for someone.

about liking,
well.
thats up to him for im not sure myself.

i think this is my first time getting to know someone at this pace.
but somehow,
its a bit confusing at the same time.

the weird part is,
i no longer am interested in other guys.
heh.

thats really weird sehhh.
because its not like as if we are having something on.
heh.

haiz.

ok lahhh.
i think thats all ahhh.

quite tired already.
tomorrow going to meet up with zarian,
and going out with saqinah's family and sarah.
hehe.

i actuali have lots to say.
but then.
i dont know where to start tooo.

goodbye.