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Monday, February 28, 2005 aSsaLamuLAiKum... OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! it reli reli reli hurts... oh man... someone take out my heart... i dun wan 2 feel anymore... haiz.... this past few days... well... sakit juga... haiz.... well... stress stress stress... haha.. ape la yg aku membebel ni... haiz... i wan someone 2 take out my brain... aRGH!!! econs la... nmm la... comm skills la... haiz... sOooooo many e projects... now no more thinkin abt any1 nimore... CONCENTRATE!!! haha... im goin 2 get sick.... i tink im fallin sick... haiz... im writing crap coz im 2 stressed out... my eyes r burnin... i juz wan 2 sleep.... BUT... i wan 2 go out... haha... hey... its e last day of FEBRUARY!!! cool... haiz... 2moro must hand in econs portfolio... haiz... luckily same grp as chokky n aszad... oh ya... juz now finally get 2 meet apek... lo n bhold, he was wearin formal... hahaha... awwww... kesian nye... thanks a lot for hearin me out... haiz... oh ya... saj also wear formal... short skirt some more... hehe... 2day juz eat fruits coz im budgetin... haiz... oh ya... i hav 2 go already... saj waitin... haiz... crap crap crap... im writin crap... okiez... tataz... =p Saturday, February 26, 2005  ooooh... pic... edited... haha...  Thursday, February 24, 2005 aSsaLamuALaiKum.... hehe... thank god for aisha's laptop... kalo tidak dah mendak gile seh kat lam lecture ni... haha... presentation la... ni la... macam2 ah... i already nvr sleep seh... haha... can2 la... take a few winks here n there... haiz... finally finished b4 4... kwang kwang... balak abis... left project econs and nmm... haiz... :( mendak oh mendak skrg... argh!!! ape punye psycho presentation.... =p haiz... then after this i hav 2 giv back aisha's laptop... hehe... thanks a lot... BORING~!!!! haiz... oh ya... yesterday was quite ok... cool... haha... hmm... on tue i basically did nothin... stress out wit the accounts test... haiz... went home at abt 9 plus... noe where i go...? haha.. hang out wit qamar and grace... eat at yasalam... quite ok ah... but then i remember that in e mornin, somethin weird happen... was quite unxpected... hehe... oh ya... was nice of idris to actuali offer a listening ear... hmm... ok... yesterday well... start e day wit accounts at 12... then went eat wit dayu n all b4 econs lecture... haiz... at lect, somethin happen ah... k... then, lect end early... thought of borrowin aisha's laptop, doin psycho at skool... b4 tat went 2 pray... then bumped into adi, hendra n idris.. after tat juz talk2 wit idris since it has been a long time... then fariz joined in too... haiz... it was quite nice talkin wit them... at least they made me realise somethin or another ah... then while tat also terserempak wit rufi, feez, fidz n fiz... all wan go pray... after all tat... turns out aisha was already at e int... haha... so i had 2 go all e way 2 tamp to take e laptop.... went back to skool after tat to meet saj... was supposed 2 meet him at 8.. it was hmmm... well quite unexpected... haiz... k... then i was actuali panickin abt psycho... arGH!!!! exploration report.... =p haha... k k... then finally we met at 9 like tat or somethin... haiz... at least some matters resolved... i hav 2 b patient... m goin to commit... haha... tak sangka si fadzillah ni bole commit... =p haiya... he was still sick... kesian die... hehe... it was quite fun also ah since we havent met each other for quite some time... come back home stress.... haha... PSYCHO!!!! oh well... at least skrg balak dah ok... haiz... still havin e presentation.... =p nearin 6 oledi.. supposed 2 meet aisha n saj... haiz... kecoh2... oh ya... not goin for rock... AGAIN! haiz... coz i hav 2 do my tutorial n sleep... mayb c how it goes for next week ah... though i still reli do miss rock... haiz... stil rememberin wat feez told me... haha... for once im followin his advice... =p he told me to b MIA from rock for awhile since im always bz n my life is bcomin disorganized... haha... well... i guess thats all ah... waitin n waitin... for e presentation to b done... haiz... =p oh ya... well... yeah... no more comments k... i mean abt e tudung or watevr thingy.... dah malas nak layan... wEeeee..... =p thanks to those pple who support... hehe... hav a nice life aight... till next time... =) Tuesday, February 22, 2005 aSsaLamuaLaiKum... haiz... m supposed 2 b doin my project but... well... i tink i shld juz take a break... gues i juz do it 2moro ah... gues i hav some kind of mood 2 actuali blog now... kinda... been reli bz n stressed... at least now somehow or another, e controversy issue is dyin down... no more pple actuali badmouthin me... i hope... well.. fingers crossed though... i noe there ARE still pple who r talkin bhind my back somehow... cant blame any1... i m tryin 2 b the best tat i can as a servant of Allah... i noe tat im not perfect... haiz... oh well... i dun wan 2 say anythin nimore ah.... well... this past few days been quite well, hectic... somehow... m tryin 2 live my life... tryin not to think abt him tat much coz well, hes bz 2... n i dun wan 2 expect anythin... its not his fault... haiz... gues im willin to juz wait it out... pls giv me strength god... juz now read feez blog... was lookin at his archives to e 1st time we met... haha... was reli funny... kinda missed it... all the outings that we had... me, rufi, ben n feez... raizerl played a part too... all e adventures or shld i say misadventures that we had... from studyin at aiport to goin changi n geylang to c... ehem... e pple tat we shldnt c... haha... i tink tat it was one of e best ramadhan i had last yr... wld nvr 4get it.... i treasure every moment tat we had spent... im thankful tat u guys actuali kinda accept me in ya grp... thanks fi for introducin me 2 ur frenz... =) im thankful to hav u as my fren fi... n i apologise for anythin tat i hav done to u... oh ya... esp to feez, haiz... i still remember e times on msn when i was havin problems n evrythin... coincidentally or shld i say in ur case, unluckily for u tat it always happens when im chattin wit ya... thanks 4 listenin n evrythin... i also apologise if i always disturb u n well, like merajuk like tat... truthfully, im not like tat... it was juz for fun... now i dun tink i wld disturb u nimore... pity u oledi... so, hav a nice life aight... =) ok... hmm... on fri, went poly wit saj... sat, go open house... basically when i was guidin, i was badmouthin e courses... haha... juz for fun... =p jam n hop well, i didnt go... talked wit aszad n chokky for like 2-3 hrs in design canteen after tat... quite cool ah.... hmm.... on sun, i juz stayed at home... tryin 2 finish all my online assignments... had some kind of conflict wit 1 of my psycho members but its ok now... haiz... evry1 was stressed... then 2day... hmm.... supposed 2 meet him but... well... he was sick... haiz... kesian die... basically i try to my work... met up apek for awhile juz now... long time nvr c him... =p then well... met saj after skool... she wan 2 jog at bedok stadium so i was thinkin, wat e heck... i wld 2 join 2... im gettin out of shape n i wan 2 kinda improve on rock... haiz... on thu some more got another comp... oh well... then we ran... did 5 rnds... was cool... after tat studied underneath saj's blk wit her sis... had 2 do accounts n econs... haiz... somethin happen ah juz now... haha... v funny ah... oh well... oh ya... b4 i 4get again... juz now, me n saj took 228 from my house... when i board it, was surprised 2 find the same 'retard woman' on e bus... she was e 1 who peed in 228 also tat time when i was alone at e back of e bus... ok... a bit backgrnd... she went 2 e back of e bus suddenly, n sat down... thought nothin ah until i see water tricklin down e aisle... n my god... i was so surprised... she actuali PEED!!! IN E BUS!!! aiyoh... i was already thinkin how was i supposed 2 alight e bus without actuali steppin her pee... oh well... e pple at e front was already thinkin how come suddenly got water... haha... they look back... i dunno wat 2 do... when reach e int, i quickly 'monkey-barred' n alight... quickly went away b4 anythin can happen... well... tat was my 1st encounter... then juz now i told saj abt it... i thought it wont happen again but then, woah... i started 2 c water again on e aisle... confirm she was e 1 who peed... haiz... bad luck seh... but tis time, e bus driver got 2 noe abt it... he actuali went 2 e woman n ordered her 2 get off the bus... ooooh.... hope i wont c her again ah... coz like tat, i dun wan 2 board... haha... oh well... haiz... 2moro i hav 2 wake up early... need 2 go NMM tutorial at 10... haiz... then i hav lessons from 2-8 pm.... haiz... rabak2... stress2.... psycho report n exploration report to b done... haiz... i reli hope i can do it... i tink till here aight... tataz peepz... =) Thursday, February 17, 2005 aSsaLamuaLaiKuM.... hmm.... has been quite a while since i blogged... been quite busy n i guess well, im juz lazy n sick of bloggin.... juz take a look at my tagboard... always controversial... n i dun even noe y... first was well, tats another story... i juz wan 2 4get abt it... n then now is tudung n v day issue... haiz... u guys reli got nothin else 2 do eh... dah malas ah nak explain.... i mean who r u guys to judge me n justify who i m... look at urselves first... if u r perfect, then comment on other pple... 4 me, im through advisin pple or watsover coz, i noe im not perfect... im still m tryin 2 b better.... n 4 goodness sake, passer by or unknown, it doesnt mean anythin if i actuali do wear a tudung now or later... i mean, now i myself m not tat ready 2 wear it... coz when u already start wearin it, its a commitment tat u hav 2 hold on til e rest of ur life... n i wan 2 wear it when im totally committed... as u guys noe, there r some gals out there who wear it for the sake of wearin... some treat it as fashion... some r forced to wear it... sometimes, even though they r wearin e tudung, u can still observe that wat they r wearin r not appropriate wit e tudung... ie, tight clothes... haiz... wearin e tudung IS an obligation.... its already a must to wear it for females who r baligh... well... as i told u, im juz human... wit all those nafsu n all ah... i will wear it... tat is confirmed... but not now... theres no difference in females wearin tudung or not.... some r hypocrites themselves... i gues evry1 is a hypocrite some time or another... naluri manusia... haiz... im juz sooo damn tired of pple tryin 2 judge me n all... im juz a simple person... i nvr asked for any trouble nor controversy... i juz hate handlin all tis kind of stuff.... im juz livin my life day by day simply... im juz thankful to live thru each day without any complications... juz put urself in my shoes... understand how does it feels when evrytime pple always tryin 2 judge n justify urself when they dun even noe u tat well... m juz sick n tired... i already hav my hands full wit skoolwork n other problems n then now, im bein bombarded by this... wat r u guys reli tryin 2 prove... wat do u guys wan from me.... im tryin my very best tat evrythin happens for a reason n tat this might turn out 2 b a blessin in disguise.... somehow... dun judge me when u dunno me... even my best frenz sometimes dun even noe how 2 judge me... only Allah noes who i reli m... only He can judge me... so pls, dun try 2 b some1 holy or anythin... all tis things, we juz leave it to Him aight... well... i gues i hav 2 update a bit ah of wat had happen 2 me tis past hmm... week... been quite ok i gues... a lot has happened actuali... as always... i gues evrythin tat has happened makes me understand more things... love does hurts... i gues e cliches r true... now i bliv it... haiz... i wil b MIA in my ccas... hav 2 buck up my studies... tis week is open house week in tp... no lectures BUT hav tutorials... haiz... oh well... luckily for me, i had 2 days mc... then 2day i hav LOA but i still hav 2 do comm skills which i hav 2 do now... =p haiz... my health as always is deterioratin... sometimes, my mind can juz go blank like in my previous comm skills lesson... haiz... oh ya... i finally managed to watch constantine... haha feez... now u cannot tell me oledi... u cant say nimore "constantine best tau"... =p haha... actuali e show was ok ah... e effects was bloody cool... oh ya xcept tat at e end of the movie, me n saj were laughin... haha... ok la.. i was e 1 2 start laughin... cldnt help it ah... its so ridiculous ah e plot... out of religion thinkin seh... i juz watch it for fun... tis shows how imaginative e minds of humans n e crap of it... =p oh well... hmm... i tink i juz end here ah... hav 2 start doin my comm skills... dun wan 2 repeat my mistake again... hav 2 prepare... i dun wan monica to insult me again... =p haiz... last time virgin... now monica... wat bad luck i hav 4 comm skills... =p tooodELooo.... =) p.S. feeZ... now i noe wat u mean abt constantine... guess it kinda e same... oh ya... also, uhm... bob. or ya wanna b called firdauz... well.. i got to noe u kinda always visit my blog n all... can tag tak??? hehe... at least i noe ah u visit... mane tahu boleh buat kawan ke... haha.... jadi u cant call me sombong lagi tau... =p haha... wat r e odds tat after yrs of livin in e same blk, we r in e same poly... haha... pelik ah... oh ya... HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY MAISARAH!!! =) hehe... c u in skool cuz... Thursday, February 10, 2005 haiZ.... oh well... aSsaLamuaLaikuM peEpz... juz took tis from e bulletin board... thought it was well... kinda sweet tat mayb a guy wld actuali do all tis stuff to a gal... but is there actuali anymore guys who voluntarily do it without any1 tellin him abt it... juz doin it out of love n care for tat gal... woah... i guess im bein a bit 'jiwang' here.... cant bliv tat it has already been a month... haiz.... hes been workin like theres no 2moro... worried abt his health also like tat... gues well... i dunno whether goin 2 meet him 2moro... juz now went out wit my family... went 2 pasir ris n played bowlin... woah... has been quite some time... as usual, my competitors r cik ana n wak... haha... its always us e top 3... each take turns to be 1st... =p well... basically juz now we talk2... haha... eat2.... also now my whole family noes abt him... =p arGh... stress seh... luckily my sisters all hav also... so e spotlite not entirely on me... haha... i juz realise tat almost all my cousins r attached... somehow... well... e bigger cousins ah... ish2... all dah pandai 'menggatal'... haha... cik ana always kacau us sisters... sayin abt my mum so fast goin 2 get menantu n all... haha... ya rite... who say wan 2 get married... =p haha... i tink i hav enough ah... still thinkin wat 2 do 2molo... pk wit hid?? watch movie wit ana?? meet farhana?? or.... go out wit him n his bro??? haiz... how... how... i dunno wat else 2 do ah... 2 many things on my mind... think 2 much.... haiz... i hav 2 try not 2 tink... oh well... gues tats all ah... had enough of 'jiwang' for tis mornin... tataz... =p Wednesday, February 09, 2005 aSsaLamuALaiKum....
hmm... been quite awhile i gues... said tat i dun wan 2 blog but well... i tink now goin 2 b 1nce in a while thin... when e mood strikes me... hehe... seriously i've been reli lazy 2 blog... i juz dun wan pple 2 misunderstand me again but then i look at my blog n i gues, its gettin quite borin... haha... though, i bliv tat my blogskin is very relaxin n soothin 2 e eyes... haha... well... now its e holidays.. CNY... basically nothin 2 do... xcept i gues i juz need 2 focuse on my studies... seriously i hav 2... was freaked out abt e possibility tat i hav 2 repeat my bus stats... gues it reli woke me up... i decided 2 cast aside all my problems 2 1 side n juz concentrate on my studies... i oledi 'booked' chokky 2 help me wit bus stats... i even asked aszad 2 remind me of watevr happens in class... it worked out i guess... i asked chokky 2 help me out juz now for my assignment... i even had booked an appointment wit my econs teacher 2 talk abt how 2 pull up my grade... basically i hav 2 do another article n also do e last yr paper... oh well... at least im tryin... hehe... i was even 1st time early 2 NMM tutorial... haha... finally presented my answer... met up wit him 2day n yesterday also... only for awhile though we wen 2 watch 'findin nvrland' on monday... it was quite a borin movie ah... hehe... oh ya... also, terserempak wit my abg sedare seh wit his gf... die2... now he noes... haha... oh well... i gues i wont b seein him anymore til next week as he will b workin... haiz... now i reli need 2 find work... i m totally broke... reli need e $... haha.... oh ya... niwae on monday, had break wit mai n saj... after we ate, met apek... we went 2 reservoir n sat at e pondok there... there were four corners n each of us sat at each corner... it was cool ah... haha... talk2 n crap2... has been a long time... im very hapi 2 b wit all my frenz at e same time though they dunno each other well... hehe... well... i gues as i said, i put aside my problems... i noe im a weird person... tats wat all my frenz noe... haha... hmm.. oh ya... hid... abt e pk, i wanna go but then... hmm... im juz scared tat i hav last min stuff lak... haiz... i feel guilty 4 doin tis... mayb can la... i contact wit ya aight... hmm.. k la... juz wan 2 thank saj 4 advisin me... gues i hav 2 reli follow my heart... i juz reli hope tat he can understand me for who i m n love me for me... haha... mcm lagu ashlee simpson lak... =p oh well... i tink i gotta sleep now... my eyes tired seh... 2molo must tink wat 2 do... at least on e bright side, my mum's not workin until fri... hehe... woOopEee.... =) p.S. feeZ... i remember... tak nak ajak kan ngok constantine... =p tak kisah... haha... dun tell me ah... haha... i will watch it soon... juz watch out.. haha... hmm... when i hav e fren n money ah... haha... =p p.P.s. haha... i juz wld like 2 list out my best frenz... dewi, ana, fizah, saj, apek, azmi n rufi... u guys r e best... i will nvr 4get u guys... =) oh ya n 2 e pple who suffer juz hearin my probs... aszad, julie, idayu, aisha, zarian n esp e person who kena e worst since always msn... feeZ... =p hahaha... reli2 sori aight... u guys, i wont trade u guys 4 anythin... hehe... tataz... =) Saturday, February 05, 2005 aSsaLamuaLaiKum...
haiz... i reli feel like no mood to blog anymore... i tink its like i hav enough of tis blog thingy... haiz... dah giv up actuali... =p nak update pun mcm malas... hmm... basically 2day juz go out 2 aiport 2 meet him b4 he go 2 work... then well, i went back home n has been online ecr since... =p my family all went out... my sis juz came back basically do nothin now... watch a walk to remember... supposed 2 study but well... i tink im juz 2 tired 2 do ah... haiz... hmm... i dunno la wats happenin wit my life... a lot of cobaan... im tryin 2 accept it 1 at a time... haiz... oh ya... i 4get abt e situation oledi ah... watevr had happen 2 me tis week, i 4get abt it... treat it as a lesson 4 me... i tink i blog when i hav e mood... but for now... adios pple... feel free 2 tag... haiz... watchin a walk to remember makes me feel tat somehow out there i wld find some1 who cld understand n love me for who i m... care 4 me n all... n me 4 him... haiz... mayb i've found him... mayb... i hope he is e one... aSsaLamuaLaiKum...
wow... now i noe who r e pple... hey guys... seriously... dun juz tag at my tagboard ah... kalo betul2, tell it straight to my face... oh ya... n thanks for makin my life hell more than usual... thanks 4 lettin me get affected abt wat u guys had said... i gues it reli makes u guys feel soooo accomplished or somethin 2 do such a thin... it was quite a day for me... all happens juz wit 1 fon call... in e mornin some more... i cldnt sleep... i cant... now im juz tryin 2 calm down... at least i noe who it was... wat reli happened... somehow... im takin in all tis wit a pinch of salt... i gues it was quite a shock tat well, evry1 is talkin abt it.. n tat e last person tat i xpect it 2 b... its nearin 4.30 in e mornin now n well... im juz numb... wat i reli dun understand is y u guys r doin all tis... dun u guys realise tat its hurtin me... all those words... mayb for u its fun but seriously, hav u guys evr thought abt some1 else's feelings rather than ur own... i basically dunno wat 2 say anymore... juz tat i reli hope tat it cld stop here... u dun get anythin from doin wat u guys did... i didnt say anythin... i didnt do anythin... if i did somethin, pls tell me but plz, dun torture me like tis... my life is already as bad as it is... please dun add 2 my burden... please... i reli hope tat tis doesnt destroy any frenships... im prob ok now... it will go soon... e numbness i mean... it will juz b abt time tat i wld confront... i juz wld like 2 apologise 2 all my frenz... if u guys tink im a faker, juz tell me... straight 2 my face... mayb somehow u guys will noe who i reli m... i dunno wat 2 say anymore... i gues until here... next time i gues when i found out e whole story... Thursday, February 03, 2005 aSsaLamuaLaiKum...
haiz... well... yesterday was... well... i dunno ah... it was no1s fault... juz read zarian's entry... haiz... please please please dun feel guilty... coz i feel guilty 2... as i said, wat has happen, has happen... im sori tat i had reacted tat way... i wasnt pissed well... only a bit but overall zarian, i juz felt numb... its true wat fi said tat i did cried on my birthday... as i've said, it wasnt e best of my birthdays... but, i was oledi fine yesterday coz it wasnt my birthday at last but... come to rock n u guys had 2 remind me of my birthday all over again... n a sabo to boost... haiz... i noe u guys meant well... i oledi told fi n mus tat i wasnt in e mood... dun push my limit... was oledi tired from climbin up n down tat bloody same route nearly 4 or 5 times coz yan asked me 2 n u guys had 2 come from e gym n did wat u had done... saw zarian pushin e dumpster when i was hangin on e rope... shoutin at mus to let me down but... i was too late... he was oledi in e conspiracy... haiz... i fought... they tried to let me down 2 e dumpster but i hold on 2 e tiles... all i can say tat i reli made them hav a hard time to sabo me... i kicked n kicked... hang on 2 e wall... i even hold on 2 e rope myself... mus was not even holdin e rope... tat was how reluctant i was not 2 giv up without a fight... they had 2 pull me up again coz i was oledi to close 2 e ground... finally, i juz had 2 let go... i noe tat they r all lookin at me... judgin me somehow... i noe.... when i finally got in, they tried 2 cover e dumpster but... i fought back... i quickly went out... n pooor mus... he had 2 c my wrath of anger.... he was scolded over by me... haiz... if my birthday wasnt all tat bad e day b4, i wld hav enjoy e sabo... haiz... when i get 2 e ground, i went off... sat somewhere... cool down while they were havin their debriefin... i guess i was juz waitin 4 some1 2 come look for me... mayb, juz askin how i was but... none came... i guess to them, its juz a game... juz fun... yes its fun... but its not fun when u r e victim of it... i had rope burns on my hands n arms... cuts n bruises on my legs... wat hurts me i gues was well... there r some pple in rock which i considered my best n closest frenz... i remembered i called out 4 help... but tat person didnt came... it wld b nice juz 2 c how much i reli meant... haha... but nah... tats juz crap ah... haiz... i gues... its my fault again... im juz blamin all of tis on myself... coz, no1s 2 blame xcept me... i wan 2 apologise 2 fi, zarian n mus... u guys were not in e wrong... im reli sori... im sori tat i didnt pick up any of ur calls yesterday fi... i cldnt... if i were to, it will not b nice... i respect u fi as my elder... n i dun wan 2 disrespect u... hope u understand... thanks a lot mus for always listenin to my useless ramblings when at rock... i noe tat im not well liked at rock somehow... thanks guys for layanin me... =) tis few days was e worse... tats all i can say... u werent there when i reli need u... u didnt understand how much it means to me for u 2 b there spendin my birthday wit me... even a walk arnd tamp int wld b fine to me... as long as im not alone on tat day... it wld hav been nice if u were there, soothin me after i got sabohed yesterday... juz 2 b there... i've found u... but... i dunno wat i meant to u... as i said, im not blamin u... its up 2 u 2 understand... i apologise for not bein as an understandin as u wld like me to b... if only my frenz didnt make a big fuss of my birthday b4... if only... im not e person i m rite now... then at least evry1 wld b hapi... somehow... Wednesday, February 02, 2005 aSsaLamuaLaiKum...
hmm.... i gues my last entry was a bit harsh... contemplatin on whether i shld delete it but i gues not... coz watevr i had wrote came from e heart... all e words tat had been said n all... its e truth... i dun lie... but now, i guess im fine... its not my birthday anymore... wEeee....!!! =) its a new day... now its SAQINAH n NASIHAH'S birthday... hehe... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! =) im tryin 2 accept tat wat had happen yesterday has its meanin... has its good side of it... like wat zarian say... look on e bright side... yeah... haha... thanks aight... after i had post my last entry, i went to meet fi at e rock gym... almost cried when i met her... haha... dunno 4 wat la.. =p she told me tat e climbers knew abt my birthday... white was anticipatin me 2 come... haiz... but i wasnt in e mood 2 say hi 2 them so, none wished me... well... 2 bad ah 4 me... talked wit fi... well... actuali fi was tryin somehow 2 cheer me up... hehe... i was like sulkin i gues... juz thinkin thru watevr fi is tellin me... went 2 bubble tea n met up wit faris n idris... turns out tat e day b4 was faris's birthday... hehe... asal tak bilang seh... =p HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!! =) well... felt much better after we all talk2 n juz lepak2 a bit... i gues all i wanted was some company on my birthday... some1 who im close to n cld cheer me up or somethin... luckily i met up wit raquel juz now... it wasnt all tat bad... i gues my day went downhill when apek msged tat he was unable to meet me... then idayu wasnt at skool... after tat, saj was bz... basically, i was left hangin coz i thought tat i cld spend my day wit them n lastly, he was unable to meet me too... haiz... truthfully, i thought tat i wld spend it wit him n tats y i didnt make any plans but... well... it isnt his fault... i dun blame him... i blame myself for anticipatin 2 much... at least i felt better when i met fi n all... =) thanks... well, as i say, 2day's a new day... im wipin e slate clean of yesterday... juz try 2 put it at e back of my head... its not e end of e world... YET... haha... k la... i tink i shld go to sleep now... hav accounts at 12 later... aiyah... later got rock climbin... confirm kena saboh 1... haiz... die2... hav 2 b sportin la... i tink later when im climbin, they put me down in e dumpster... =p eEeee.... haha... tats wat they always do... =p oh well... fingers crossed... Tuesday, February 01, 2005 aSsaLamuaLaiKum...
theres only one thing tat can b said for 2day... please please please dun wish me hapi birthday anymore... please 4get tat it is even my birthday... remember k... it is juz a waste of information in ur brain... juz throw it away... all i noe tat tis is by far e worst birthday... n i hav myself to blame for it... all my birthdays were nvr hapi for me... so i cant stand it anymore if any1 say hapi birthday... if i cld, i wldnt wan 2 have a birthday at all... i hate myself for feelin this way... overall... i juz hate myself... so whoevr out there who loves 2 say bad stuff abt me, please do... u r free to... go on... say watevr u wan 2 say... at least now u noe tat i hate myself... so it doesnt matter reli... i noe im not a gd person... i sucks... i watevr bad thing it is k... if u guys say im a faker, then yes... im a faker... i wld nvr blame u guys xcept myself... seriously i thought well, tis yr wld b different since well, i thought tat i had met some1 special.... some1 whom i cld finally celebrate my birthday wit... but... all day long, i've been wit myself... alone... 1 thing is, i cant blame my frenz coz they r bz wit their lives... tats y im blaming myself... i hate myself... for thinkin tat they actuali hav time 2 spend time wit me... esp on my birthday... i understand that all of them hav their reasons... tats y again, i blame myself... i apologise tat u guys actuali noe me... juz 4get abt it... i shld hav known tat tis birthday wldnt b different as e others... 1 thing is well... watevr it is... i dunno anymore... i juz feel tat theres no more meanin ah... i've been hopin n hopin tat well, it might b different... i reli wonder how does it feels like tat for once, bein in e shoes of some1 who is hapi on their birthday... bein surrounded wit their love ones... even now e situation in my house is not tat pleasant... i gues its my bad luck... if only my frenz didnt make a big fuss of my birthday b4... i wldnt hav anticipate somethin 2 happen... n nothin happen... i cant even tink of anythin memorable or hapi from my birthdays.... mayb i shld hav juz stayed at home durin my birthday... at least, i noe tat i'll b juz content watchin tv n not hav any contact wit e outside world... im not makin any1 feelin guilty here or anythin... juz wan 2 xpress wat i feel... n i apologise if wat i say is wrong... i nvr intend to hurt any1 or make any1 feel guilty... i blame it all to myself... totally... 2 those who remembered, thanks a lot... i do appreciate it... =) i gues, its time 4 me 2 go off... hav 2 4get tat 2day actuali happens... tat 1 Feb nvr exists anymore in my life... aSsaLamuaLaiKum...
hmm... u noe wat??? haha... iTs mY BIRTHDAY!!! wEee.... =) yeah2... =p so wat... only 18... kwang kwang... hmm... let me see... hmm... 1st person 2 giv me present was him... hehe... v nice necklace... thanks a lot... reli2 appreciate it... =) hmm... was reli nice of nisah 2 wish me on msn YESTERDAY... haha... havent yet birthday le... feez also... ish2... niwae im thankful ah... then yesterday nite arnd 10 msged me birthday msgs... hehe... wow... nvr u noe like tis... so im reli m thankful... didnt xpect idris 2 msg also... haha... =p oh well... juz wan 2 say tat tis yr was reli unxpected... im used 2 pple not rememberin my birthday... haha... but now, woah... i hav some1 2 celebrate my birthday wit... =) haha... cant bliv i actuali got time to write tis seh... in e lab some more... evry1 r like lookin for marks n i juz dun care seh... =p haha... must print out lecture notes some more... hmm... i finally went to pergas on sunday even though i ALMOST didnt... overslept again... woke up at 10 seh... haha... luckily azman told me tat e next class starts at 10.30... quickly took a cab seh... haha... luckily by e time i reach there, havent start yet.. surprised to find that lukman whom i went medan wit is e monitor of my class... imran was there too... then waheedah... luckily got fren... haha... oh well... i tink i gtg... lecture time... tataz... =) |
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