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Wednesday, July 27, 2005 aSsaLamuaLaikum... hmm... haiya peepz. okie. basically now im juz feelin numb. tats all. haha. got what i want. the answer i mean. hmm. respect the decision. am just going to enjoy single life like i originally planned to after my break up. but had a slight detour. haha. well. the detour has helped me changed my life. going to take things one step at a time. my next plan is to..... ENJOY! haha. not totally ah. basically concentrating on my studies. working like crazy during the september break. catch up wit my frenz. facing up to my past n. befrendin him. ive realised my mistakes. somehow. hmm. now, im already beginning to accept criticisms from pple. you see. tis detour actuali made me learn somethin from life and the pple arnd me. n how i affect them or vice versa. one thing is. yes. i did miss out on a lot of things. esp my frenz. my family. my religion. allah. i noe its hard for me to go back to that. i mean my old life. there are things tat i hav found to be fun. tat i will nvr thought of myself doin it last time. haha. like lepak n all. im tryin to cut it down. it has its advantages mainly tat im able to learn from other pple. hear abt their experience n evrythin. in a way, mayb, it made me a bit wiser. however, there are some things tat im worried abt. like my health. i gues. im becomin more absent-minded n all. tats juz not me. i juz wan to apologise to those who i had been rude to or watsover. coz i nvr meant any of the bad things that ive done. i dun hold grudges. and im sorry tat my behaviour, myself made pple to hate or dislike me more. i dunno. im still tryin to find myself. yes. i do have a soft heart. some might noe, some might not. one of my fren had told me tat im too kind. pple walked all over me. hah! im not sure abt tat ah. mayb im juz like tis. basically i dun like to hurt pple. rather, i get hurt. anyhow. i tink tats all for now. time for me to sleep. wish me luck peepz. to change for the better. =) Sunday, July 24, 2005 aSsaLamuaLaikum.... hmm. oh well. finally spent one whole day at home. been doing that lately. haha. forced myself to sit in front of this computer and actuali doing some research for my ebm project. hmm. some improvement i gues. haha. chat wit some frenz n all. got some good advice. thinkin quite clearly now actuali. readin back my entries and evrythin. i was havin fun. life wasnt as complicated as it is. i guess i made it complicated. bcoz as usual, i let my feelings in. haha. goin to have some time to reflect on wat has happened in my life since i started poly. seriously feelin a bit better now. all i have to do now is to pick up the courage and call him. settle whatevr it is. im not askin for much. juz to settle watevr it is. listenin to surahs again. m rememberin back e times when i dun let any guy to interfere wit my life. juz concentratin on Allah. servin him. helping pple and all. but i guess all tis happens for a reason. i have more experiences now. i no longer am the person that i used to be. as in, basically my eyes are 'opened'. i understand more abt what pple have experienced b4. though im tryin my best to get back to what my life used to be. actuali, i've been thinkin of doin all tis b4. juz tat i didnt. now, had some kind of 'push'. its him. he made me to tink back. reflect more on myself and my surroundings. for awhile, i forgot who i was. now, im finding myself back. im thankful to zarian who has been helping me all along. both your words and dewi's has given me the courage not to be scared. but juz dun give up. even though i wld like somethin more. but im willin to start over again. be juz frenz. lets see wat happens from there then. i realised that i am thankful for my family, my frenz and him. they are precious to me. but right now, i will do watevr i can to save a frenship. his n mine. i cant bear to let history repeat itself. im picking up the pieces as i go along wit life. haha. thanks to idris too. u made me reflect on the two choices tat i cant bear myself to let go. silat n climbin. haha. but seriously, i would like to save tis frenship. if being frenz is wat he wans, frenz we will be. nothin more. semester's endin in less than 2 mths time. then it will be work, woRK and more WORK!!! haha. plannin to work like crazy. situation at home is still the same. but now, i have to work on myself. i noe tat tis day wld come when i allow myself to have tis 3 yrs lettin my 'devil' out before wearin the tudung and focusin on wat im supposed to. as for lookin for a guy, i tink i will work out on tis guy 1st. haha. i will leave tat matter to Allah. please give me the courage to call. pick up the pieces. ok la. i tink tats enough for today. haha. goin to focus on study. hehe. laterz peepz. Saturday, July 23, 2005 aSsaLamuaLaikum... haiz. as usual. i dunno where my life is headin now. hmm. wait. i tink i have an idea ah. juz tat. haiz. seriously. i cant take this whole emotions thing no more. man. its surely enough for me. twice in a yr. haiz. im in serious need of money. haiz. who doesnt. bills bills bills. tats all me n my family has been gettin. haiz. where the heck am i goin to find more than $400. haiz. im tryin to get back on track. rite now, alhamdulillah. in study terms n frenz. somehow. haiz. im still tryin. rite now, im seriously sad. i dunno wat else to do. yesterday was my fav uncle's death anniversary. 11 yrs. haiz. i reli do miss him. my uncle. he was nice to evry1 in my family. evry1 was happy. esp my nenek. haiz. family. tats wat you had made me think about. i believe that theres a reason for what has happened. im in mixed emotions now. i reli reli reli m scared of losing you. haiz. i reli dunno wat else to do except to pray tat evrytin can turn out okay. i dunno wat to feel. im angry. sad. all at e same time. but haiz. im wastin my time. juz thinkin abt tis when all i wan to do is to meet you. to talk to you. to be confronted by the truth. wat is it that made you changed. i dunno. im left in confusion. i wan to end tis. tis torment tat im goin thru rite now. why? WHY? im becomin frustrated. you didnt even bother to talk to me yesterday. you takled to evry1 else. except ME. haiz. i reli dunno wat i hav done to make you treat me this way. i have no intention of hurtin u nor anythin tat can affect us. haiz. please tell me what it is. what went wrong. argh! i dunno. i seriously dunno. wat i noe is that whatever it is that i've said, i meant it. its the truth and nothin but the truth. haiz. i have to go now. didnt get much sleep. as usual. coz i cant sleep. now i have to go n straighten up my life. please give me a chance to settle. Thursday, July 21, 2005 aSsaLamuaLaikum... haiz. sigh. cold. so cold. you was to me. felt numb. tat nite still replayin on my mind. cant get it out. i realised. e 1st time it wasnt. love i mean. realised tat it was juz infatuation. a strong one. how come it took me sooo long to figure tat out. oh ya. coz u made me forgot abt him. no more feelings. no more 70%. i was reli scared. i wanted to talk to you. reli. you wan to remain as frenz. rite. but does tat entitle you to be hostile? to be cold? u made me tink. seriously. i reli dunno wat i am feelin rite now. seriously. its reli confusing for me. please. tell me the truth. let me tell you what i wan to say. please. Saturday, July 16, 2005  haha. how do i look..? act seh. 1st time wearin cheongsam top. haha. wont evr 4get e faces of those pple who saw me wearin it.his face. priceless.  Wednesday, July 13, 2005 aSsaLamuaLaikum... haiz. tis is juz goin to b a short entry coz i hav 2 meet up saj n firdauz later. i juz wan 2 say tat ya, it has been a long time since i updated tis blog. feel reli lazy to log on e net. i dunno wat my life is rite now. been spendin days at home doin nothin but feeling lethargic n sleepin. simply a waste of my time. though i hav lots to do, i still dont do em. coz all i reli wan 2 do is to meet him. tats all. n clearin up any misunderstandings tat we hav. thanks 2 a certain some1 who sacrifice his nite b4 goin ns to ease my mind. thanks a lot guys for bein there when you guys cld hav been sleepin n not hearin wat i hav 2 say abt him. wats all tis fadz. frenz hav been tellin me. you still young. be single. who cares. enjoy. i gues tats wat i will say 2 myself 2. my life has changed when i found my 1st love. which i thought it 2 b. break up. was a new process of my life. afraid. scared. i was. commitment. loving some1 else again. no. m juz a teenager who is in her way to life. but also. a gal whos not a gal but not yet a woman. hah! love. exist? i dunno. u b e judge. some1 found me. unexpectedly. i was stupid. scared. to let go. to let some1 in. you tried. twice u asked. twice i didnt reply. nor did i say no. him. my 1st love? ive let him go. im movin on. lets b frenz. you. i wan you back in my life. part of ur life. i miss u. reli i do. confusion. i still have. frustration. yes i hav. did u reli mean it? do i still stand a chance? do u wan me 2 b part of ur life? do i measure up to her, ur 1st? haiz. see wat i mean. force. no way im forcin u. juz tell me so. u made me think. think and think. of things tat im not ready. dont even allowed to think. marriage. wat was marriage? pple asked me when i plan. i say 15 yrs from now. evry yr will b e same ans. now. tat i met u. im reconsiderin. y? coz im comfortable wit u. coz u made me tink. coz u r wat u r. i was stupid. i dunno. Allah. My only God. 1 tat im always in fear of. 1 tat i always feel ashamed of. my life. let me go e right way. see. u. u made me think. again. wat m i? m i as wat he said tat its one sided. is it? u. juz tell me so. haiz. has been so many times tat i wished for my heart to be taken away. my love. but not my love to Allah n his messenger Muhammad saw. tat i wld always cherish. but u. i dunno. scared to fall again. but. but. but. argh. contradiction. my frenz. my best frenz. i love all of u guys. dewi. ana. fizah. apek. azmi. farhana. saj. firdauz. rufi. u guys hav no idea how much i wan 2 meet u guys. how much i wan it to b like old times. how much i wan 2 noe ur life n vice versa. how much tat i wan all of u guys 2 be wit me. somewhere. some place. but. tats juz wishful thinkin. mayb tat cld juz happen if im in hospital. hah! its ok. i understand tat u guyz r bz. im scared. scared 2 get back. missed out a lot. m i welcome in ur lives? somehow. e feelin. e bond. is it gone? i sure hope not. i wish u guys e best in lives. =) my family. spend time wit 'em. been at home. took care of my sisters. for once. nice feelin. fuzzy. warm. haiz. m i such a bad sister? haiz. i love my sisters. even shikin. haha. ya ya. my mom of coz. my dad 2. miss my nenek. my beloved nenek. =) kak rosnah. iskandar. my cousins. i love you. my colleagues at samar. victims. haiz. unjustice. i love you guys. would do evrythin i can tat justice is uphold. Allah will be our guidance. believe in Him. woah. it seems. ive written much. haha. mushy seh fadz. haha. well. theres much 2 b said. but i tink tats enough 4 2day. oh ya. fiza. if u read tis. juz wan 2 tell u tat u r e 1st gal tat im jealous of. haha. its ok. im sori. hope u hav a nice day k. ok. i feel better. i reli do. haha. wonder how is pple goin 2 respond. nah. i do miss u. tataz. Monday, July 04, 2005 Love TestHere is the analysis:
Your Marriage How will you choose your Mr Right? You will make the most of being able to shop around for Mr Right. You love your freedom and will have a lot of fun learning about what sort of man you like. When you do find the guy for you, nobody will be able to keep you away from the church. Who will be your future Mr Right? Your real-life hero will be manly. He'll be dependable, even financially. He will protect you and always respect your feelings. He'll probably be quite a bit older than you. When will you get married? As soon as you fall in love, you'll want to grab your man and hang on to him. You will probably marry very young, so it would be wise of you to think carefully before committing. What sort of wife will you be? If your hubby is crazy enough to ask you to do silly things, you may as well have fun with him. You'll make a fun-loving wife. Will you and your husband have a good time together? You and your spouse will choose to spend time on more romantic activities. You won't end up quite as healthy, but you'll have plenty of fun going out for drinks, watching concerts or playing cards at home with other friends What will your children be like? Your kids will be quiet and won't give you a hard time - they'll be a joy to have around. However, you should teach them to be stronger and more confident in themselves. Otherwise they might grow up to be losers. How loyal are you? You get along very well with most guys. Sometimes your friendliness misleads others to think that you're a bit of a flirt, but actually you've got a loyal heart. You'll never have eyes for anyone except your beloved husband. Get to know yourself betterYour view on yourself: You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for: You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.Your readiness to commit to a relationship: You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.The seriousness of your love: You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.Your views on education Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.The right job for you: You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.How do you view success: You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.What are you most afraid of: You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.Who is your true self: You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long. |
Profile the girl next door About you here. About you here. About you here. About you here. About you here. About you here. About you here. About you here. About you here. About you here. About you here. About you here. Tagboard scream it out loud Affiliates you're on your way Archive gone with the wind » September 2004 » October 2004 » November 2004 » December 2004 » January 2005 » February 2005 » March 2005 » April 2005 » May 2005 » June 2005 » July 2005 » August 2005 » September 2005 » October 2005 » November 2005 » December 2005 » January 2006 » February 2006 » March 2006 » April 2006 » June 2006 Credits take a big bow Background : Photobucket. | |