Monster War.

aSsaLAmuaLaiKum...

hmm... its probably e last day of 2004... it will b a new yr on saturday.... 2005... how weird huh... basically wat i was plannin 2 do on e last day of 2004 will b postin abt e highlites of wat happen 2 me in 2004... for my sake... juz 2 learn from e mistakes... coz i noe tat tis yr, bein 17 n all has reli opened up my eyes 2 a lot of stuff... i've experienced a lot of stuff... from bad to good... until 1nce i almost 'lose' myself... i've been thru a lot so i gues 2004 means a lot to me... i juz hope tat 2005 will bring in a new n improved yr for me... insyaallah... :)

wit e tsunami calamity happenin so near 2 2005 is reli quite a shock... i dunno y but its juz tat well... its somethin like a sign... of armageddon... end of days... qiamat... tats wat it is... im totally scared 2 e core... scared tat my faith wld waver durin tis crucial times... fear tat Allah wld juz make qiamat happen anytime when im still alive... fear tat i wld nvr get 2 'jejak' in madinah... fear tat when dajjal comes, i wld b followin him instead of Allah... fear tat i wld lose my faith n religion... tats wats impt to me... e most single impt thing in my life n rite now, im scared tat i might b losin it... haiz... rite now talkin 2 zarian reli helps in a way... he said tat i cld make it but somehow... i dunno... i seriously dun... i juz pray tat i wldnt evr lose my religion... i had told zarian tat well, might possibly turn 2 e worst or somethin... haiz... i dunno... nowadays i dun feel like my usual self... like i feel nothin except for this feelin tat well cant b described... sometimes light of heart, sometimes heavy... 2day aida even commented tat i look different... like im pale or somethin... haiz... i dunno...

had done somethin quite bad... i guess though its normal 4 teenagers nowadays... haiz.... i dunno... i juz feel ashamed 2 Allah n also his bloved, Muhammad SAW... haiz... wat i noe is tat i wld nvr lose my faith unless well if i was meant to... haiz... rite now feelin sad... not sure if wat 2 say... juz tat juz now got ikhwan meetin where we hav half-planned 4 next yr n also went out wit dewi n solihin 2 buy ana's presents... i tink i reli hav 2 go n sleep n mayb think abt all tis... haiz... he said tat i tink 2 much... i guess its true n i juz cant help it... tataz...