Monster War.

aSsaLamuaLaiKum...

haiz... well... yesterday was... well... i dunno ah... it was no1s fault... juz read zarian's entry... haiz... please please please dun feel guilty... coz i feel guilty 2... as i said, wat has happen, has happen... im sori tat i had reacted tat way... i wasnt pissed well... only a bit but overall zarian, i juz felt numb... its true wat fi said tat i did cried on my birthday... as i've said, it wasnt e best of my birthdays... but, i was oledi fine yesterday coz it wasnt my birthday at last but... come to rock n u guys had 2 remind me of my birthday all over again... n a sabo to boost... haiz...

i noe u guys meant well... i oledi told fi n mus tat i wasnt in e mood... dun push my limit... was oledi tired from climbin up n down tat bloody same route nearly 4 or 5 times coz yan asked me 2 n u guys had 2 come from e gym n did wat u had done... saw zarian pushin e dumpster when i was hangin on e rope... shoutin at mus to let me down but... i was too late... he was oledi in e conspiracy... haiz... i fought... they tried to let me down 2 e dumpster but i hold on 2 e tiles... all i can say tat i reli made them hav a hard time to sabo me... i kicked n kicked... hang on 2 e wall... i even hold on 2 e rope myself... mus was not even holdin e rope... tat was how reluctant i was not 2 giv up without a fight... they had 2 pull me up again coz i was oledi to close 2 e ground... finally, i juz had 2 let go... i noe tat they r all lookin at me... judgin me somehow... i noe....

when i finally got in, they tried 2 cover e dumpster but... i fought back... i quickly went out... n pooor mus... he had 2 c my wrath of anger.... he was scolded over by me... haiz... if my birthday wasnt all tat bad e day b4, i wld hav enjoy e sabo... haiz... when i get 2 e ground, i went off... sat somewhere... cool down while they were havin their debriefin... i guess i was juz waitin 4 some1 2 come look for me... mayb, juz askin how i was but... none came... i guess to them, its juz a game... juz fun... yes its fun... but its not fun when u r e victim of it... i had rope burns on my hands n arms... cuts n bruises on my legs... wat hurts me i gues was well... there r some pple in rock which i considered my best n closest frenz... i remembered i called out 4 help... but tat person didnt came... it wld b nice juz 2 c how much i reli meant... haha... but nah... tats juz crap ah... haiz...

i gues... its my fault again... im juz blamin all of tis on myself... coz, no1s 2 blame xcept me... i wan 2 apologise 2 fi, zarian n mus... u guys were not in e wrong... im reli sori... im sori tat i didnt pick up any of ur calls yesterday fi... i cldnt... if i were to, it will not b nice... i respect u fi as my elder... n i dun wan 2 disrespect u... hope u understand... thanks a lot mus for always listenin to my useless ramblings when at rock... i noe tat im not well liked at rock somehow... thanks guys for layanin me... =)

tis few days was e worse... tats all i can say... u werent there when i reli need u... u didnt understand how much it means to me for u 2 b there spendin my birthday wit me... even a walk arnd tamp int wld b fine to me... as long as im not alone on tat day... it wld hav been nice if u were there, soothin me after i got sabohed yesterday... juz 2 b there... i've found u... but... i dunno wat i meant to u... as i said, im not blamin u... its up 2 u 2 understand... i apologise for not bein as an understandin as u wld like me to b...

if only my frenz didnt make a big fuss of my birthday b4... if only... im not e person i m rite now... then at least evry1 wld b hapi... somehow...