Monster War.

Berhenti Berharap
by Sheila On 7

aku tak percaya lagi
dengan apa yang kau beri
aku terdampar di sini
tersudut menunggu mati

aku tak percaya lagi
akan guna matahari
dengan mampu menerangi
sudut gelap hati ini

aku berhenti berharap
dan menunggu datang gelap
sampai nanti suatu saat
tak ada cinta kudapat

kenapa ada derita
bila bahagia tercipta
kenapa ada sang hitam
bila putih menyenangkan...

Chorus:
aku pulang...
tanpa dendam
kuterima.. kekalahanku

aku pulang...
tanpa dendam
kusalutkan.. kemenanganmu

bridge:
kau ajarkan aku bahagia
kau ajarkan aku derita
kau tunjukkan aku bahagia
kau tunjukkan aku derita
kau berikan aku bahagia
kau berikan aku derita

aSsaLamUaLaiKum....

haiz... e reason y i post up tis song lyrics is well... i guess this is how i feel... mayb... or can juz for fun la... well.... hmm... i juz kinda reli realise that well... im BUSY~!!!!! ARGHHH!!!! juz found out yesterday actuali when i finally updated my organiser.... PROJECTS PROJECTS n moRe PROJECTS!!! but... im soooo tired to actuali do it ah.. haiz... well... now ah... i hope im back to project mode 2moro... haiz... then exams r comin in.... 18 days!!! oh MoN diEu!!! haha...

m damn tired now... damn sleepy... damn... aRGH!!!! i must not have feelings... NOT NOW!!! no more... haiz... CONCENTRATE!!! CONCENTRATE!!! but... haiz... why must i still have them... i gues e reasons is well... juz met him... send nazeem off to e airport wit saj n his frenz ah... haiz.... basically had fun... the guys were reli funny... firdauz, fauzi, arip n him... haha... well... finally get 2 talk 2 bob... haha... after all e talk abt him bein a counselor n all n also tat well... watevr la... haiz... i dunno wat im talkin abt now...

i reli think tat i might b breakin down... projects... skool... social life... family.... haiz... evrythin is goin wrong... nothin is right... what reli was e limit when my mum came home juz now with the electric bill... haiz... its like almost reachin $500 coz my dad didnt pay e last time also... haiz... e reason y i dun hav a house fon was bcoz my dad didnt pay e bill until it mounted up 2 almost a thousand... haiz... debts... DEBTS.... n more DEBTS!!! tis is also e reason y my family had to downgrade our flat... even downgradin, it is gettin worser... i juz cant c my mum sufferin anymore.... she has been workin from mornin till night... takin overtime juz 2 bear with the household stuff... my dad haiz... he nvr contribute anythin... he also havent been comin home... haiz... y y... i feel reli helpless now.... reli feel very sad... i dun mind abt e skool stuff n evrythin but wat i cant stand is 2 c my mum workin tirelessly day after day...

mayb tis feelin that im havin rite now is short-term... coz well... in e end... i will try 2 c e bright well at least some kind of positive side of it... haiz... thank god that im muslim... islam has help me thru lots... i tink if im not, i would hav committed suicide by now... but of coz i wont do it la... im proud to say tat i at least have iman n my religion left... tat i will nvr lose but keep it til i die... haiz... i dun mind sacrificing evrythin... i already hav sacrificed rock climbin though... im still feelin tat i reli reli reli do miss rock climbin n the climbers even though i guess well, they mayb hav a negative view abt me.... haiz...

seriously, i juz cant wait for skool 2 b over... then i will work... i hav 2 b independent financially... pay off my debts n i'll b happy... im juz lookin forward 2 e trip tat im goin 2 hav wit my cds... at least i will somehow relax for a while... get away from spore... though i wld reli wan 2 go 2 australia... haiz... i hope it can use edusave account wholely... hehe... well... i M still tryin 2 take all of this one at a time... somehow... haiz... tooo many things happen... juz cant keep track... n again, im not feelin well... as usual... haiz...

im goin 2 keep myself 2gether for the sake of my family... i hav 2 protect my family from harm... since im e eldest, i hav 2... i hav 2 get them out of watevr ditch we r in rite now... i juz hope tat my sisters realised tat they cld also help 2 contribute instead of thinkin abt themselves... haiz...

i dunno wat else 2 say anymore... juz tat mayb... well... i tink i hav 2 get back e way my life was... hav 2 forget evrythin... no ties.... no feelings... no nothin... i hav 2... tis is 2 keep me strong wit allah... coz, He's e only one who could help me thru tis... ok... i tink i reli need 2 sleep now...