Monster War.

aSsaLamuaLaikum...

haiz. tis is juz goin to b a short entry coz i hav 2 meet up saj n firdauz later. i juz wan 2 say tat ya, it has been a long time since i updated tis blog. feel reli lazy to log on e net. i dunno wat my life is rite now. been spendin days at home doin nothin but feeling lethargic n sleepin. simply a waste of my time. though i hav lots to do, i still dont do em. coz all i reli wan 2 do is to meet him. tats all. n clearin up any misunderstandings tat we hav. thanks 2 a certain some1 who sacrifice his nite b4 goin ns to ease my mind. thanks a lot guys for bein there when you guys cld hav been sleepin n not hearin wat i hav 2 say abt him.

wats all tis fadz. frenz hav been tellin me. you still young. be single. who cares. enjoy. i gues tats wat i will say 2 myself 2. my life has changed when i found my 1st love. which i thought it 2 b. break up. was a new process of my life. afraid. scared. i was. commitment. loving some1 else again. no. m juz a teenager who is in her way to life. but also. a gal whos not a gal but not yet a woman. hah! love. exist? i dunno. u b e judge.

some1 found me. unexpectedly. i was stupid. scared. to let go. to let some1 in. you tried. twice u asked. twice i didnt reply. nor did i say no. him. my 1st love? ive let him go. im movin on. lets b frenz. you. i wan you back in my life. part of ur life. i miss u. reli i do. confusion. i still have. frustration. yes i hav. did u reli mean it? do i still stand a chance? do u wan me 2 b part of ur life? do i measure up to her, ur 1st? haiz. see wat i mean. force. no way im forcin u. juz tell me so.

u made me think. think and think. of things tat im not ready. dont even allowed to think. marriage. wat was marriage? pple asked me when i plan. i say 15 yrs from now. evry yr will b e same ans. now. tat i met u. im reconsiderin. y? coz im comfortable wit u. coz u made me tink. coz u r wat u r. i was stupid. i dunno.

Allah. My only God. 1 tat im always in fear of. 1 tat i always feel ashamed of. my life. let me go e right way. see. u. u made me think. again. wat m i? m i as wat he said tat its one sided. is it? u. juz tell me so. haiz. has been so many times tat i wished for my heart to be taken away. my love. but not my love to Allah n his messenger Muhammad saw. tat i wld always cherish. but u. i dunno. scared to fall again. but. but. but. argh. contradiction.

my frenz. my best frenz. i love all of u guys. dewi. ana. fizah. apek. azmi. farhana. saj. firdauz. rufi. u guys hav no idea how much i wan 2 meet u guys. how much i wan it to b like old times. how much i wan 2 noe ur life n vice versa. how much tat i wan all of u guys 2 be wit me. somewhere. some place. but. tats juz wishful thinkin. mayb tat cld juz happen if im in hospital. hah! its ok. i understand tat u guyz r bz. im scared. scared 2 get back. missed out a lot. m i welcome in ur lives? somehow. e feelin. e bond. is it gone? i sure hope not. i wish u guys e best in lives. =)

my family. spend time wit 'em. been at home. took care of my sisters. for once. nice feelin. fuzzy. warm. haiz. m i such a bad sister? haiz. i love my sisters. even shikin. haha. ya ya. my mom of coz. my dad 2. miss my nenek. my beloved nenek. =) kak rosnah. iskandar. my cousins. i love you.

my colleagues at samar. victims. haiz. unjustice. i love you guys. would do evrythin i can tat justice is uphold. Allah will be our guidance. believe in Him.

woah. it seems. ive written much. haha. mushy seh fadz. haha. well. theres much 2 b said. but i tink tats enough 4 2day. oh ya. fiza. if u read tis. juz wan 2 tell u tat u r e 1st gal tat im jealous of. haha. its ok. im sori. hope u hav a nice day k. ok. i feel better. i reli do. haha. wonder how is pple goin 2 respond. nah. i do miss u. tataz.