Monster War.

aSsaLamuaLaikum....

hmm. oh well. finally spent one whole day at home. been doing that lately. haha. forced myself to sit in front of this computer and actuali doing some research for my ebm project. hmm. some improvement i gues. haha. chat wit some frenz n all. got some good advice. thinkin quite clearly now actuali. readin back my entries and evrythin. i was havin fun. life wasnt as complicated as it is. i guess i made it complicated. bcoz as usual, i let my feelings in. haha. goin to have some time to reflect on wat has happened in my life since i started poly. seriously feelin a bit better now. all i have to do now is to pick up the courage and call him. settle whatevr it is. im not askin for much. juz to settle watevr it is.

listenin to surahs again. m rememberin back e times when i dun let any guy to interfere wit my life. juz concentratin on Allah. servin him. helping pple and all. but i guess all tis happens for a reason. i have more experiences now. i no longer am the person that i used to be. as in, basically my eyes are 'opened'. i understand more abt what pple have experienced b4. though im tryin my best to get back to what my life used to be. actuali, i've been thinkin of doin all tis b4. juz tat i didnt. now, had some kind of 'push'. its him. he made me to tink back. reflect more on myself and my surroundings. for awhile, i forgot who i was. now, im finding myself back. im thankful to zarian who has been helping me all along. both your words and dewi's has given me the courage not to be scared. but juz dun give up. even though i wld like somethin more. but im willin to start over again. be juz frenz. lets see wat happens from there then.

i realised that i am thankful for my family, my frenz and him. they are precious to me. but right now, i will do watevr i can to save a frenship. his n mine. i cant bear to let history repeat itself. im picking up the pieces as i go along wit life. haha. thanks to idris too. u made me reflect on the two choices tat i cant bear myself to let go. silat n climbin. haha. but seriously, i would like to save tis frenship. if being frenz is wat he wans, frenz we will be. nothin more. semester's endin in less than 2 mths time. then it will be work, woRK and more WORK!!! haha. plannin to work like crazy.

situation at home is still the same. but now, i have to work on myself. i noe tat tis day wld come when i allow myself to have tis 3 yrs lettin my 'devil' out before wearin the tudung and focusin on wat im supposed to. as for lookin for a guy, i tink i will work out on tis guy 1st. haha. i will leave tat matter to Allah. please give me the courage to call. pick up the pieces. ok la. i tink tats enough for today. haha. goin to focus on study. hehe. laterz peepz.