Monster War.

aSsaLamuaLaikum...

haiz. well. exams has finally done. yr 2.1 is done. haha. another 2 more weeks, then the results will be released. whether should i take the supp papers or not. oooooohhh~~~``. going to get 9 subjects results. hah! didnt noe that i took that much subjects this sem. haiz. should have focus more earlier. going to disappoint myself. mr ben. haiz. too many things has happened durin this one sem. those things that i had promised myself not to repeat, well, i cant control fate. haiz.

just reactivated my fon line after almost a week of no messaging. hah! been hanging out a lot with they all. cant believe its already a month that i met them. the peepz leaving near my house area. woah. without them, i guess i dont even noe my own neighbourhood. haha. has been a whirlwind month. kinda. all i noe is that well, i had been hanging out with all guys always until well, im startin to miss some female frenship. haha. luckily theres aisha at class to talk with. being arnd the guys made me forget abt what had happened to me recently.

ive already promised myself not to fall into the same trap again. guys are just trouble. pain in my heart. i realised that it has made me to be a more miserable person. so that is why, i would not allow any other guy to affect me again like the two guys that i had cared so much to actuali let them crushed my heart over again. for now. because of relationships, frenships are destroyed. i value frenships more thus i wouldnt allow myself to have another relationship. i tink for now i juz enjoy myself with my frenz. its much better. just like one of the guys. i too have realised that i am much better off without a boyfriend. i dont think that any guy would actuali reli understand who i am and also i dont think i make a good girlfriend. im much more happier to see couples being happy. i guess i would take on matchmaking again. haha. have more joy in seeing the happiness that couples share coz i noe that i would not experience that kind of joy.

after that surprising call a few days ago, well, my defences that i have build up tis past month began to crumble. bit by bit. the searing pain in my heart. i couldnt handle it no more. it has been a month. i should have gotten better. thats what i thought at first but now, argh!!! i am stupid. stupid not to forget him when its clear that he juz wants to be frenz. i need time. time to recuperate. haiz.

luckily after the exams, i have managed to kinda contact back my frenz. well. one by one. im taking my time. at least now im talking back with rufi. zarian. what i reli want is to meet my frenz. those 9 frenz. especially my sec skool frenz. dewi. ana. fizah. haiz. theres so much that i want to tell them. to share with them my experience. i need my frenz. i need my past. thats what i can relate to.

people always say that it is not good for you to remember your past. that it is better to just forget them. well. i guess im one of the people who holds their past dearly. i never forget the people that ive met. the things that i've done. all the memories. yeah. i hold the past dearly but though sometimes i wish to forget. especially the part when i had to remember about him. unfortunately, to my disadvantage, whatever that has got to do with him will always never fail to bring a tear to my eye. its just reli painful. i prefer being one-sided then being hurt like this again. please.

to the people whom i've trusted. siraj. nadhir. aisha. aida. dayu. ana. arie. sarah. subhan. kak leha. zarian. rufi. you guys had helped me a lot this past month. getting me thru the hole that i've dug myself into. i apologise for all the inconvenience that i have caused. haiz.

the 9 special frenz. dewi. ana. fizah. sajeedah. apek. azmi. rufi. firdauz. farhana. you guys have no idea how much i've missed you guys. there is a reason why allah has lead me to you guys. thanks for everything. =)

im still in the process of finding myself. i would be most thankful if there is no more accusations of saying that im a hypocrite and so on. dont assume. especially about myself. whatever it is, i will never forget allah. coz thats the thing that im afraid of most. islam has helped me alot. im thankful to be a muslim.

still trying to find work too. haiz. have to support myself this holidays. im goin to work hard next sem. when i graduate hopefully, maybe would sign on to police if possible. then work on to get into social science. haiz. tis is my new goals. i hope i can reach them.

had been goin back to arab st. missed my workplace. well. banned myself from goin there. i reli do miss my colleagues. i juz hope that the pit would actuali happen. please. i guess this is all. hope you guys have a nice day. =)