Monster War.

assalamualaikum.

here i am again.

posting.
unusual.
heh.

it has been one of a day.
haiz.

christmas.
hah.

even though i dont celebrate it,
this day has some significance to me.

last year.

remembered being with my frenz.
studying and finishing up my nmm.
using aisha's laptop at the airport.

remembered that i waited 4 hours for him to finish work.

yes.
i was happy.
in a delusional way.
normal for a girl who thought she had someone.

spent last christmas with him.
eating the ferroro rochers that his manager gave him.
bliss.
hah.

the first step to a relationship that was supposed to be never be.

for my heart was to another.
though that is another story.

this christmas.

woke up in the morning.
was late meeting up my grandmother to go for a wedding.

my sisters wore 'normal' clothes.
whereas i wore the 'baju kurung'.

as usual,
they were on my nerves.

my auntie straight away came to me,
whispering,
why the heck is my sisters wearing those kind of clothes to a wedding.

i of course,
cant be bothered anymore.
my words fell on deaf ears.

haiz.

it wasnt appropriate
but.
its not like as if my sisters cared.

i stuck out like a sore thumb.

thank god for my grandmother.
i helped her walk.
as usual.

i love my grandmother dearly.
if it wasnt for her,
i would have bashed up my sisters.
[ cedebahh. haha. like real. =p ]

i kept quiet.

then we were off to hougang for to my grand-uncle pedro and grand-auntie andrea's house.
grand-auntie andrea is my grandmother's only sister left in singapore.
it was christmas time.

coming in the house,
crosses are all over the place.
a christmas tree located near the kitchen entrance.
oh.

for they were my family,
i kept a blind-eye to it.

throughout the conversation,
[ there was a bit of silence here and there. ]
i kept quiet.

just listening to what was being said.

it was really interesting.
got to know they were roman-catholic.
my grandmother's another sister [ different father]
was in philippines.

and more stuff about them.

told my eldest cousin.
that we should do up a family tree.

seems that we are going to lose our only links to our roots.
cause most of them are getting older.

its weird that we,
the 3rd generation here in singapore,
are losing our roots.

dont even know the languages.

like visaya' [ i tink thats how its spelled. ]
which is the language my grandmother spoke and forgotten. -_-'
the 'minang kabau' language.

sheeshh.

well.
then we ate macdonalds.
haha.

dont have turkey larrrr. =p
[ thought that christmas have that is ittt. haha. ]

it was ok i guess.
oh ya.
and i was kissed on the forehead by grand-uncle pedro.
OoooH.

a first.
haha.
from an old man.

it was quite nice actuali.
feels, you are being cared.

i guess thats how it would feel if both my grandfathers were still alive.
haiz.

went to another wedding after that at ang mo kio.
my cousin's mother's brother who weds this woman that has married 3 times. -_-'
aiyahhh.

well.
on the way there.

haiz.

my sister tested my patience again.

i was really trying hard to keep myself in control.
but.

i burst out.
only a bit.
in front of them.

i couldnt help it.
i really felt like slapping her actuali.
thank goodness we were in public and my cousins are also there.

i cried.
again.

but not in front of them.

i was tired.
too tired to handle this things.

wanted to go home but.
my grandmother asked to stay put.
haiz.

i went.

after that,
wasnt in a good mood.
sullen.

i didnt even talk with my cousins.

there was this 'makcik' who kept saying that my sisters are pretty and all.
then she came to me.

telling me that im not fair as my sisters.
saying that im 'hitam hitam manis' somemore. -_-'
man.
i became sarcastic to her.

is she blind????

haiz.
not that im trying to look at skins here,
just that,
please ahh.

have a heart.

i know what i am.
i know how i look like.
i know i cant be compared to my sisters in the looks department.

i am trying to be patient.
cause thats all i have.

i dont have words.
i dont have the heart to strike anyone.
but all i have is.

patience. =)

the challenges that i am facing now,
insyaallah.

i will prevail for,

" Strengthen yourselves with patient prayer. God is close to those who are patient. Those who have died in God's cause, are not dead; they are alive, even though you cannot see them."

-Qur'an, Al-Baqara, Surah 2:153

He is there.
He will always be there.
my friend, my family, my companion, my listener, my love
and
my God.

that is Allah. =)

i guess that would be all.
hopefully my uncle will be fully recovered soon.
after almost 3 months staying in the hospital.
insyaallah.

going for khalifah at istiqamah tomorrow morning.
maybe then to the meeting.
insyaallah.